Mastermind Mayhem
by Bangkok-chan
Summary: Aizen's a little lonely and Descole is Descole. What happens when the two meet? OOCness monsters and weird references present.
1. Aizen's Temper and Descole's Desperate

**Moshi-chan: I don't own these children, but I must warn you they're slightly OOC.**

* * *

"God dammit!" Jean Descole table flipped one of his fancy tables (poor table). "When I come up with an absolutely fabulous plan, that top-hat Layton ALWAYS ruins it! Henchman!" A masked henchman ran up to his side. "Tissue." The henchman gave Descole his tissue to then witness his crying. "Oh, woe is meeeeeee, why can't I have heaps of people on my side for onceeeeeeeee..." The henchman sweatdropped. Raymond did the Macarena.

* * *

"Gin."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"I'm going to have a temper tantrum."

"Ok..." Gin wasn't actually expecting one to happen.

"WHY DOES ICHIGO'S SIDE HAVE MORE SUPPORTERS THAN MINE!? I'M AWESOMER, BETTER, STRONGER AND THE RULER OF HUECO MUNDO! LAST TIME I CHECKED CHICKS WANTED VILLIANOUS MEN! AND EVERY SINGLE FIGHT WITH MY ESPADA HAS ENDED UP WITH THEM DYING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS AUTHOR!? I WISH THERE WAS A FELLOW MASTERMIND TO HELP ME WITH WORLD DOMINATION!"

"Um..."

"SHUT UP!"

"Where are you going?"

"TO THE LAB, GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?"*

* * *

(in the lab)

"That felt good. Now let's see, this portal needs a hopeful wish, a lock of pink and blue hair, a spoon, a fedora and a violin**. Good thing I have little baby boxes from when my Arrancar were born." Aizen unlocked a hidden cabinet and took out two small golden chests each inscribed with "Grimmjow Jaegerjacques" and "Szayelaporro Granz", respectively. These chests each included two photos (of when they were hollows and when they were first born), teddy bears (Grimmjow's was ripped and had bite marks in it while Szayel's had acid burns, stitches and missing stuffing) and of course, locks of hair. Aizen picked these up and dropped them into a boiling cauldron in the middle of the room (Ooh, did Aizen go to Hogwarts? Is he in league with England?). The contents turned a light purple (We've all had art lessons, haven't we?). "A hopeful wish...Well, I hope this works." The contents then turned chartreuse.*** "A spoon I can get from Nnoitra's room, because my teaspoons are too valuable, and probably the fedora and the violin from the junk in Aaroniero's room. Better hurry, they're both out today."

(in Nnoitra's room)

Nnoitra had a spoon cupboard. "This should do nicely." Aizen grabbed for the latch but then noticed a sign written in scrabbly handwriting.

"Eh? 'Do not touch the spoons or you will release the Excalibur?' Nice try, son. I'll take the spoon called Ralph." Aizen unlocked the cupboard and (probably) regretted it. A hatch in the ceiling opened and a strange white creature fell out...

...onto Aizen's head.

"Greetings. I am the legendary sword Excalibur.**** Do you wish to be my meister? W-wait! Where are you going!?"

Aizen would've stayed and listened on a normal day. But today he upped and ran (with the spoon) at the sound of footsteps to Aaroniero's room (they turned out to be Tōsen's as he was cleaning the hallway).

"Aizen-sama?"

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner!? What is this 'reality'!? Find someway to get there, and fast!" Descole's henchmen were glad it was almost Christmas.

* * *

(in Aaroniero's room)

"Oh... that was just Tōsen. Never mind, he'll find it weird if I go back there again. Actually, I think he already does seeing me walk out at all. Now, where is that junk pile?" Aizen swore he heard whispering, but he dismissed it as his imagination (You do get hallucinations when Szayel cooks dinner, after all).

(behind him)

"Do you think he's the boss of that creepy guy who stole my hat and your violin, Marie?" Phantom R***** tried to comfort the crying girl. "We'll just have to wait and see."

(back to Aizen)

"I must curse the fact it's so dark in here, but I need to thank my luck that I found it. A fedora and a violin. Where have I seen this hat before and why is there this retarded looking mark on the violin? Oh well, none of my business." Aizen snuck out before Tōsen could find him again.

(behind him)

"H-he just called my violin retarded!" Marie was at bawling point. "And he just took my hat!" Phantom R was more like Angry Not-so-phantom R.

"What may you kids be doing here? This isn't the place for the likes of you! Do, do come with me." Uh oh. Someone had found them.

* * *

Descole was over it. "Are you done yet!?" The henchman making the portal shook his head. The last thing we need are locks of pink and blue hair. And well... none of us have hair except for you and Raymond, Master. And Raymond's doing the Macarena." Descole was ready for anything but that. "A-are you saying that I have to dye my hair for the sake of this portal?" "Y-yes, master." "I shall do it! Henchman, bring me hair dye!" Another henchman scuttled off to find some hair dye. When he came back, "Henchman. Dye my hair pink on one side and blue on the other. Here, I'll take my hat and mask off so it's easier."

(later)

"I-I look fabulous! I'll almost regret cutting my hair..." Descole produced a golden pair of scissors and snipped a lock from each side of his head. "This should do. Now, let me witness the creation of the most fabulous portal in history!" Descole dropped his locks into the boiling pot (which turned a wicked hipster pink******) and stood back to reveal a floating pink portal in the cauldron's place. "Well, that's another five hundred dollars to buy a new cauldron. But there's no time to waste!" Descole leapt into the portal, dragging one of his henchmen with him. Raymond did the Macarena.

* * *

"Hmm... I can't go alone. I shouldn't take Gin, Tōsen or my Espada, so maybe one of the Espada's fraccion? How about Tesra? He seems normal enough." Aizen paced the room but stopped upon hearing footsteps "_Uh oh, is that Tōsen again?"_ It wasn't Tōsen, but is was Nnoitra and his fraccion Tesra. Aizen poked his head out of the door. "Ah, Tesra. Just the person I need. Nnoitra, may I borrow him for a while?" "Yeah, but ya'd better give 'im back, ya hear, Aizen-sama?" Nnoitra stalked off. "What do you want with me, sir?" Tesra was sweating buckets from his nerves. "I'm on a mission that I assigned myself, which is to go find myself a fellow mastermind. You're probably the only normal Arrancar here, so I decided to take you. Got that? Let's go!" Aizen jumped into the portal, taking Tesra with him. Which was a good thing, because Nnoitra noticed that one of his spoons were missing.

"MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

* * *

**Moshi-chan: Ooh, what's gonna happen? I'm giving you guys a say here. And also, I'm thinking of doing an auction fic, but I'm stuck between Soul Eater, FMA, Ace Attorney and Professor Layton. Help please!**

***: Spinoff of a line from Big Bang Theory (i.e. "To the toilet! Is that fine with you!?")**

****: The hopeful wish is from Smurfs 2, the next two are from Bleach and the last two are from Rhythm Thief and the Emperor's Treasure. (If you get what I mean with the ones from Bleach, gimme a shout!)**

*****: It's a pretty ugly shade of green. Or was that chartreuse yellow?**

******: He's from Soul Eater. Probably the worst partner ever.**

*******: The pair are from Rhythm Thief.**

********: Hetalia reference. Poland's thing.**


	2. Mastermind Christmas

**May I present to you, a filler chapter. Probably has spoilers from the last game so if you don't know about Descole, don't read this. Though it only hints towards some facts.**

* * *

The Mastermind's Holiday Late Show: Why Descole hates Christmas

Christmas, Professor Layton's house

"Thanks for planning this, Professor." Emmy had decided to come back. "It's the first time I've seen such a huge get-together! It must be strange to know lots of people like this." The professor nodded. "Yes, I'm surprised at the amount of people I invited to this party. Oh yes, there's the people you know, and there's others you don't, Emmy. Why don't I introduce them to you?" The professor got out of his armchair to be interrupted by his self-proclaimed apprentice Luke. "Professor, is there anyone else coming?" "Yes, Luke, there's one more person." "Who is it, Professor?" "Now now, you two, you'll see." Emmy and Luke didn't have to wait for long, as the professor finished his sentence in time for a door knock.

"It's nice to see you again, Jean."

"Thanks for inviting me, Hershel. It's not much of a Christmas at my place with atheist henchmen and Raymond dancing the Macarena." Descole held up a dancing Raymond.

"I can imagine the feeling. Do come in."

* * *

"D-Descole!?"

"Good evening, Luke. Surprised to see me here?" Descole had a bemused look on his face.

"Now now, Luke. A true gentleman forgives his adversaries. Anyway, Jean, why is your hair dyed pink and blue?"

"Oh, you noticed? It's a long story..."

* * *

"So, in short, you've found another universe called 'reality' and the way to make a portal was: a hopeful wish, locks of pink and blue hair, a spoon, a fedora and a violin?" Descole nodded. "And all your henchmen were bald and Raymond was too busy doing the Macarena so you had to dye your hair for this?" Descole nodded again. "Well, that is very interesting, especially as it worked. I might actually consider a job change!" The two laughed, but not for long as Descole felt his chair being dragged along the floor. It took him no time to register that it was towards the mistletoe. "H-hey, whaddya doing!?" "Under the mistletoe you two go~" Flora was having fun, and Luke just wanted revenge on Emmy.

So it ended up with Descole and Emmy facing each other and the professor wondering how the mistletoe got up there.

"Kiss!" shouted Luke and Flora.

"No!" replied Emmy and Descole.

"KISS!"

"NO!"

"KISS OR WE'LL SABOTAGE NEXT YEAR!"

"OK!"

Emmy and Descole kissed.

They both ran for the bathroom.

Emmy got there first.

"Dammit! I needed that more than you! Well, better find somewhere else then... How about this doorway?"

The doorway led to the kitchen...

where Flora was cooking.

"BADGER! BADGER! BADGEEEEEEEEEEER! I'm using Hershel's ensuite now!" Descole silently thanked his lucky stars that Claire was dead, or the ensuite would have been occupied as well. {If you know what I mean...}

Descole used a whole bottle of mouthwash he happened to have in his pocket. After he was done, he was in time for dinner.

"Say, where's Emmy?" The professor was still clueless. Raymond did the Macarena.

* * *

"This food is scrumptious, Hershel! Though my cooking skills are not as good as these, so I'm sorry I couldn't contribute."

"That's alright, Jean. Would you care for some more tea?"

"Not right now, thank you. I seem to be feeling sick in the stomach." Descole's face had gone a questionable shade of viridian.

"That's because you had some of my cake! (I shouldn't have put the chicken stock and the mouldy cheese in there!)" Flora's eyes twinkled.

Descole rushed straight for the bathroom.

"Oh? Was it that bad?" Flora looked slightly confused.

"Please Flora, do refrain from entering the kitchen ever again." The professor had had enough.

* * *

"Wash, spin, rinse, blow dry, repeat. Wash, spin, rinse, blow dry, repeat." Emmy had been in the bathroom for a good 20 minutes and she still had not gotten over kissing Descole, forcing our plighted friend to once again head for the ensuite. That scene was not pretty. Raymond did the Macarena, this time while eating food.

* * *

Our story ends with Descole getting his rightful (if slightly too much) share of food, Raymond dancing the Macarena and an overall entertaining night for the rest of the guests. Emmy is still in the bathroom and the experience scarred Descole for life. Hence, why he hates Christmas.

* * *

**I do not support Emmy x Descole, except for crack purposes. I don't want to write about Aizen UNLESS someone can give me much needed ideas. Ciao~**


	3. Aaroniero's Quest

**As the author, I couldn't let Aaroniero's story be left unresolved! So here's another filler chapter.**

* * *

**Aaroniero's Quest for a new Fedora and Violin**

It's been a week since my fedora and violin have disappeared from my so called "junk pile" (It's just an accumulation of useful stuff! Promise!). I can't stand those things missing! I need replacements! Today is my day off (kinda rare with these intruders in Hueco Mundo) so I'm going to go find a new fedora and violin (using my hidden powers of world-hopping).

* * *

**Sub-quest 1: Fedora**

Let me explain to you my world-hopping powers. I say a bunch of words (gibberish if you ask me) and I get transferred to another world.

Anyone could do that, actually. It's just that only I know the words.

I'm in the middle of a desert. My GPS says its a few hundred kilometres from a place named Amestris. I'm sonido-ing there as we speak.

(in Amestris)

Ah-hah! Target spotted; a perfect specimen, if you ask me. A FEDORA! Though the other one was a nicer colour... well, I don't have the luxury of choice here.

The owner of the fedora is unwilling to give it up, so we're going to fight it out. He introduces himself as Solf J. Kimblee. He seems like a nice chap. He also said something about being an alchemist. I've never heard of them... I should've paid more attention in Aizen-sama's history classes. I introduce myself as (if I may quote myself) "Aaroniero Arruruerie, Noveno Espada and the guy who will kick your f***ing a$$ and take ownership of that fedora on your to-be-smited head". I shouldn't have swore. He claps his hands together and I swear I lost a limb in the resulting explosion. Not that it matters; I have high-speed regeneration, after all. But whoa, this guy is good! He's got just as much fire as the last guy whose fedora I took. I draw on Kaien Shiba's powers and release Nejibana. Kimblee seems confused. Haha, serves him right for confusing ME to begin with.

(after the boring battle)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am victorious! I got my fedora! (Though I do feel sorry for the poor guy, he doesn't look so gentlemanly without his prized fedora) Kimblee asks me to look out for something called the "Philosopher's Stone". I tell him I can't promise I'll find him one but he says he's fine with that. I'd better ask Aizen-sama about it. I'm a nice person, aren't I? Nah, I hate him anyway.

* * *

**Sub-sub-quest 1: Philosopher's Stone**

My magic words have transferred me to a place called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (don't ask me, ask the GPS!). Anyway, I overheard this guy who's looking for it too. His name... is Hairy Potty? What sort of retarded name is that? I thought Wonderweiss was weird... this kid's parents are even weirder! Who'd name their kid after a toilet!? Well, I do see the resemblance... (It's like Nnoitra and his spoons! Ha!) He says... the Philosopher's stone is under a trapdoor guarded by a three-headed dog and I need to get past that to go to the final room and get the Philosopher's Stone? Easy!

* * *

The dog bit me to bits, I gave up one of my Hollows for the wizard chess and I burnt myself to death. What's going to happen next? A random guy with a turban who's possessed by an evil mastermind in the final room?

* * *

Wow. I was right. There was this guy called Professor Squirrel whom I killed without hesitation. He was possessed by an evil mastermind named Moldywart. Moldywart tried to kill me. I killed him. I got the stone... just in time for the Hairy Potty guy to get there. I bid him farewell, but instead of replying, he said his name was Harry Potter. Whoops!

* * *

Kimblee is happy. He promises to visit me someday and I say the same back to him. Wonder if we will meet again, though...

* * *

**Sub-quest 2: Violin**

It's going to be hard to find a replacement for that violin; it was really special after all... my GPS is telling me I'm in a place called the Hive. I spotted a girl with a violin, but she looks a bit protective of it... Let's see about that after I change into Kaien Shiba!

(later)

I shouldn't have done that. She attacked me with the violin by playing it. But I won't give up! I won't!

(later)

Aha! I got the violin by tripping her! Though... it WAS by accident (even a toddler wouldn't have tripped over that!)... but still! My quest is done! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I should go watch some *comment censored*.

* * *

**What is this "comment censored"? Oh well... Aaroniero knew the significance of Marie's violin and therefore had to find one as special as that.**

**My perception of Aaroniero Arrurerie:**

**Good sense of humor**

**Comic relief**

**Has more sides to him than an icosahedron**

**Plain awesome**

**Guess the fandoms!**

**Ciao~**


	4. Tesra's (almost) James Bond

**I actually feel ashamed doing this. But... here's an OC I never ever wanted to introduce. She'll be absolutely imperfect. Like me. Except... I am a worm, and she is not. I don't own these people and I expect not to repeat that all the time.**

* * *

"What is this place, Aizen-sama?" Tesra gawked at his new surroundings. It was different from the World of the Living... somehow.

"This is "reality", Tesra. I've actually been here a few times. Hmm... since there's no Kisuke Urahara to give us gigais here, I'm going to have to call a number I never wanted to call again." Aizen produced a suspiciously new smartphone. "Who are you calling?" Tesra had seen mobile phones before, but not smartphones. He was intrigued at what humans could do. "You'll see."

* * *

(somewhere else in reality)

I'm Motoko, and I'm what you could call a "normal" anime fangirl. I was doing study as usual when I heard my almost-never-heard ringtone resound through my room. Knowing who it would be (I have almost NO contacts on my phone, and I live with my parents), I instantly greeted the caller with a "Salutations, idiot brother. What do you want?" The conversation went like this:

Bro: I never thought I'd have to call you again, Motoko-chan.

Me: Hey, hey, cut it with the "chan", okay? Did you forget a gigai again? What are you here for, anyway?

Bro: Yes, you're right about the gigais. We have a Soul Reaper counter-invasion coming and I need help. Not yours, as you always help me, but that of another evil mastermind.

Me: "Gigais"? What do you mean; have you got someone else there with you?

Bro: Yes again, it's Tesra, and could you modify it to his DNA as you usually do with mine?

Me: I should be able to; I have everyone's DNA in my database. Oh, and about the evil mastermind, I think there was one near the current Juureichi.

Bro: Which is where?

Me: It's near my place, and you know where that is. Expect your gigai to be done in around a week, so do some of your business before then.

Bro: I'll probably be seeing you in less than a week, but there's no rush.

Me: Likewise. Anyway, Mum says hi.

Bro: Tell her I said hello back then too. We'll be seeing you, Motoko.

Me: You too, and stay safe, idiot.

* * *

"Sorry to ask, Aizen-sama, since I didn't hear her side of the conversation, who was that?" Tesra almost looked ashamed of asking the question. "That was my eccentric, slightly charismatic and adorable younger sister." "Oh," was the only thing Tesra could reply with. _"How did he just insult and compliment his sister at the same time!? I hope she is adorable as Aizen-sama says, actually. Unless he has a sister complex, then that would suck balls, as Nnoitra-sama would say. Wonder how he's doing?"_

(with Nnoitra)

Nnoitra, who was spoon-shopping, sneezed. "Wish Tesra was here for me to beat up... him gone sucks balls."

(back to Aizen and Tesra)

"Tesra, why are you drooling?" Tesra snapped out of an inappropriate reverie and quickly composed himself. "Nothing, Aizen-sama." Aizen was suspicious, but let it slide. "Now is time for you to see reality for yourself."

* * *

**Tesra's Reality Tour: Day 1 **

**START!**

"Speaking of reality, where are we, Aizen-sama?" "We're in the area where Karakura Town's supposed to be." "But where ARE we?" "I believe we're in a place named Tokyo. Oh, and speaking of which, you can go just about anywhere this week, before you get your gigai. You can buy souvenirs LATER," Aizen followed Tesra's gaze towards an adult shop close by. "But if it's those sorts of souvenirs... go nuts." Tesra took Aizen's consent as an order; he ran faster than Kon towards the adult shop.

(in the adult shop)

Tesra had brought with him one of the special bags Szayel-sama had made. "It opens up to a fourth dimension, and therefore allows you to carry an unlimited amount of stuff with you," he had said. Tesra stuffed porn and hentai into the bag faster than Jinta would with candy for Yuzu. The other customers wondered why everything was disappearing faster than Usain Bolt. Tesra smashed through the window, doing a James Bond. ("Well, that actually looked pretty cool...") But unlike James Bond, Tesra landed face first on the footpath below him. ("Now that's gonna hurt in the morning, but it'll probably hurt now as well. Poor guy; it's probably why he's still only a fraccion.")

(once Tesra had regained his composure)

"How much did you take?" Aizen asked. It was hard to tell how much Tesra did steal. "Er... about three-quarters of the displayed stock." Aizen looked mildly impressed. "And this is for who?" Tesra did some mental maths and replied, "Half of this is for Nnoitra-sama, three-eighths are for Grimmjow-sama and the last eighth is for Aaroniero-sama." "Why such a small amount for Aaroniero?" "He's very fussy about his porn, and there wasn't much tentacle hentai." Aizen had only asked a few questions and now knew of more blackmail material he could use against his Espada. (_"It's only to keep them alert!"_) "Shall we move on, Tesra?"

* * *

During the whole day, Sonido came in mighty handy. Aizen toured Tesra over the whole of Japan before 8pm. In that time, Tesra saw things he probably never would in the World of the Living. There were things that Aizen purposely did NOT show him though... like a Bleach manga in a bookstore window. Tesra himself felt like a little kid (not that it was a bad feeling, since he usually felt worse thanks to Nnoitra) and learnt so much that he felt as if he had almost become a little smarter (AN: His IQ went up 20 points). They spent the night in a five-star hotel, thanks to a little sneaking around.

**Day 1: SUCCESS**

* * *

"Tesra...Tesra... Ah! Here's the data. Now to transfer it to the gigai..." "Motoko-chan~ Can I have some apples?" Damn little idiot cousin.

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"Go nuts."

* * *

**My perception of Tesra**

**Normal.**

**Considerate.**

**Slightly shy of awesome.**

**Normal. (Wait... did I already say that!?)**

**I really like how Aizen just let him go steal porn. And the fact he fell face-first on the footpath after looking so awesome is probably the reason he's still a fraccion. In my book, he is the most normal arrancar out of everyone. The unwavering loyalty even makes him quote his master's potty mouth.**

**Nnoitra was buying a replacement for Ralph the spoon from the first chapter.**

**Aizen's respect for Tesra: Has gone up to over 9000.**

**Ciao~**


	5. A Destined Meeting?

**And... here's the actual chapter where they meet... Descole will be getting MUCH more attention after this. Don't own these wonderful children~**

* * *

Unlike Aizen and Tesra who landed in front of a mall, Descole was unlucky enough (with his henchman) to land in the middle of a highway. Wishing Raymond had stopped dancing the Macarena, they barely escaped with their lives...

… to be met by someone who had seen their plight. "Heya, the reality portal's pretty annoying sometimes, isn't it? The name's Motoko. I'll help you throughout your stay here. Unless you wanna die, I'd recommend you agree to my offer." Descole was tired, hungry and had barely dodged about a hundred cars. He wasn't in a position to refuse, so he reluctantly agreed. The henchman, though was eager to go live with a girl (they were naïve to these sorts of situations). And with every day that passed, Descole was getting closer and closer to meeting the evil mastermind friend of his dreams. (Stress on the friend, I don't support Descole x Aizen. This ain't a love story!)

* * *

(A few days later)

"I'm home~" Aizen chimed uncharacteristically, to be met by a punch to the face. "Do you realise how long you've been gone, son?" "U-um, a few hundred years, mother. Why?" Aizen and Motoko's mother threw the curry she was cooking in his face, to Tesra's slight amusement. "Do you think you can just run away and do evil things without my guidance!? Even I would have done a better job than that! I even revived your Espada for you! They are nothing to be proud of! Teach them some manners and fighting skills, Sōsuke!" "Sorry, Mummy." Aizen was now kneeling on the floor, begging for forgiveness. "You should be! Now clean yourself up; you're getting curry on the carpet!" As Aizen stalked off to the bathroom, Mum's attention (I'm calling her Mum in this story) turned to Tesra. "He's your master, right?" Tesra, who was still slightly wary from the earlier situation replied with a careful "...Yeah. But not directly." This piqued Mum's interest. "Then who is your direct master?" Tesra, knowing that she had just insulted his master, replied "Nnoitra-sama, Quinto Espada." "The tall one with the spoon hood, right?" "That's right." "He broke my best vase, you know. It was worth $20,000." Tesra's guard faltered at the sound of the sum of money. "H-he is quite clumsy, i-isn't he?" "Oh come on, I was just kidding! He was wonderful; he helped with a lot of the house chores~" He knew that was not the usual description of his master. "Um... he usually isn – " "Oh shut up!" Tesra had never known real pain before that moment.

* * *

After Aizen finished up his shower (the curry had gotten all over him), he admired himself in the mirror before realising one fatal thing. Where was the hair gel? As a result of getting all of the curry out of his hair, the hair gel had gone too. Aizen blow-dried his hair and tried to see if there was a bottle of his lifeline on the counter. Sadly, there was not. _"Gin would be dead if this was the royal bathroom..."_After multiple attempts to get his hair back to the way it was WITHOUT hair gel, the finished product was somewhat like his hairstyle back when he was in Soul Society. Blaming his bad eyesight for not reading the labels properly, he found a spare pair of his glasses on the counter. He donned these, and soon realised there wasn't any hair gel in the bathroom at all. Sighing, he put on a spare pair of his Hueco Mundo attire too conveniently hung on the towel rack. _"Motoko knew I was coming... but how did a spare pair of clothes get here?"_ Ignoring the really suspicious situation, he walked out to a very amusing scene.

* * *

Tesra and his mother were arguing; something Aizen did not expect due to Tesra's normal docility. What happened after was even more unexpected. Once Tesra and his mother knew of Aizen's presence (*cough* spiritual pressure *cough*) Tesra stared in stupor at Aizen's new appearance. He collasped from the shock. Aizen and Mum rushed to Tesra's side, believing him to be dead. "Whoops. I would've rather him die in battle..." Aizen looked slightly embarrassed. Motoko, having heard a thud, rushed out to see the scene. "Out of the way; I'm a professionally qualified doctor!" Since Motoko was a genius in both of their eyes, Aizen and Mum stepped aside. After only a glance did she say, "He's not dead, you idiots. It's called being unconscious," Motoko looked at her watch. "Oh dang it, is it that time already? Someone take Tessy upstairs; we need to get you in your gigais before HE's back!"

* * *

(An hour later)

Tesra found opening his eyes very painful... wait, eyes? He sat up and looked around to see a, very simply, mini, bespectacled, female version of Aizen sitting on the edge of what he assumed was now his bed. "How the hell? Didn't I – HOLY AIZEN LORD OF – " Tesra was no longer in his Arrancar clothing, but rather what humans called "casual clothes". It felt slightly strange. What was more strange though, was that she was giving him a compact mirror. "That's not the only thing that's changed, Tessy. You're supposed to look human in this gigai, so..." "Oh. Wow. Thanks." Tesra, who hadn't realised the girl called him "Tessy", was speechless at the facts that: he had lost his mask fragment, the estigma* was gone, and that his right eye was fine. Tesra was about to say something when the mini Aizen showed the medical eyepatch in her hand. "If you find using your right eye too strange, you can use this eyepatch if you wish. There's advantages you can utilise using it while in your gigai. Think of pirates.** Oh, and by the way, I'm Motoko. This gigai is modified to your DNA, so you can use some of your abilities, albeit weaker. Take a look around; this is where you're staying for now." After putting on the eyepatch, Tesra had a hunch, and walked up to the window. Tesra screamed in horror as his hunch was right. Below the window, his precious idol Aizen-sama (who had resumed his normal style) was, as well as wearing casual clothes, …

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…

…

… frolicking with girls! Motoko was beside him, and she had the same reaction. "Lucky bastard. I'm related to him; why can't I have some of his good luck!?" Realising she didn't have any luck, she went and sulked in the emo corner, which was labeled accordingly. She didn't stay long, though, as there was a knock on the door. (DUN DUN DUN DUN)

Opening the door, she greeted the person with a "Hey, Dessy!" and let him in. The man and what looked like his butler entered the room. Tesra found he could use his Pesquisa, and that the spiritual pressure from both of the men were quite low. Motoko's however... he didn't feel a thing. He was interrupted by the young man who had just entered the room. "The person outside was the evil mastermind you've been telling me about, right? Then who is this charmer?" Embarrassed that he had been called a charmer, Tesra introduced himself as "T-Tesra Lindocruz... Fraccion to the Quinto Espada and 50th Arrancar in Aizen-sama's army." Thinking the young man and his butler would be completely and utterly confused, Tesra was surprised that they actually understood what he said. Giving Motoko a questioning look, she replied, "I already told them about you and my brother. Dessy, introduce yourself with both of the identities you assumed, if you please." "Dessy" nodded, "My real identity is Jean Descole, evil mastermind. Here though, I've assumed my identity as Damon Gant***. This butler-looking guy here is one of my henchmen. I would've brought my real butler but he's too busy dancing the Macarena. You know, Motoko, you should drag your brother back inside before he disappears somewhere." "I was thinking the same thing. Let's go, Tessy!"

While he was being dragged downstairs, Tesra went over the people he had met in his head. _"Motoko is the female mini Aizen who's calling me Tessy for some reason; Descole is the guy with the messy chin length hair and glasses and the henchman is the bald butler-looking guy. Mum is the really nice looking lady with a short version of Nnoitra-sama's hair. I think that's – " _SMASH! Tesra felt a short, fleeting flying sensation which ended with a collision with Aizen. The girls around them dispersed immediately. "What the hell was that for!? I was about to score a da –" Aizen earned yet another punch to the face, this time from his younger sister. "I was going to introduce you to an evil mastermind and you go frolicking off with girls!? That is no way to treat a guest! Come upstairs with me and Tessy and we'll get you acquainted."

* * *

"Ah... so you are the evil mastermind my sister spoke of." Aizen looked far from impressed with this person his sister had called an evil mastermind. "Ah, but you have yet to see my real appearance." Tesra was expecting him look really bad, but all Descole did was change into a mask, suit, tricorn-like hat with puppy dog ears and a really ugly cape. Though he had to admit, it did make him a lot more like an evil mastermind. "Hmm... what is your specialty?" Aizen still wasn't impressed. "As you can see, I'm a master of disguise, and I'm also handy with machines." "How so?" "Would you care for something to extract and compress reiatsu from the air? I would be able to do that." Aizen nodded. If this... evil mastermind did this feat, Aizen would decide to view him as an equal. Ones with spiritual power did not have a place for machines in their lives. Machines were unnecessary in their world (except to Kisuke Urahara and Mayuri Kurotsuchi). But humans, to make up for this lack of spiritual awesomeness, decided to increase their knowledge of technology. To Aizen, the amount of a human's mastery in machinery equaled the same amount of spiritual power. Pulling this off would equal a spiritual power of the same amount as Aizen's himself. Walking out of the room, he finally felt satisfied.

"What the hell did you get yourself into, Dessy!?" "I don't know, but can you help me?" "Sure!" Motoko pulled out a blueprint. "I already knew this would happen, so here's what you have to build!" Descole looked at his host with wonder and amazement.

"Could you please stop being such a know-it-all!?"

Motoko shrugged and threw the blueprint out of the window.

"MY BLUEPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINT!"

* * *

Omake Theatre: Unconscious Society****

"Hey, you went to Unconscious Society when you were out cold, right?" Motoko had seated Tesra in a psychiatrist's chair for no reason. "Yeah, it seems like it." "Can you tell me about it, Tesra?" Tesra tried to dig into the memories he had so carefully locked away...

_(flashback start)_

_Tesra woke up in an unrecognisable Las Noches. Instead of the stark white buildings, there were architectural structures of varying sizes, shapes, colours and styles. Rainbow ponies pranced everywhere and there was a lush Western-style garden replacing the sands and dead trees he knew. All the people he knew looked the same, with different personalities. Nnoitra-sama was unsettlingly kind and caring; he had said, "Hey Tessy! Let's go watch Aizen-sama do the hula!" Tesra didn't actually expect the supreme lord to do a lowly dance like the hula, but he was met with that exact sight in the throne room. Aizen-sama was dancing the hula, wearing a grass skirt, lei, coconut top and a fruit headdress. Ichimaru-sama was in an Elvis outfit dancing the moonwalk. T__ōsen-sama was nowhere to be seen. Tesra fainted._

_(flashback end)_

"And that's basically what happened." Motoko was scribbling notes like crazy. "So when you faint in Unconscious Society, you wake up in the real world, huh? Can you also by any chance draw me the most interesting thing you saw?"

(afterwards)

"If that's what happens when you faint... I wonder what you see while drunk?" Motoko had an evil glint in your eyes. "Please don't test that out..." Tesra's repressed memory bank was about to burst.

* * *

***: An estigma is the coloured mark on an Arrancar's face/other body part. Basically, we're referring to Tesra's turquoise mark on his cheek.**

****: Pirates used eyepatches to help them see in the dark. Search it up.**

*****: An Ace Attorney fan will see where I got this from.**

******: Unconscious Society happens to be canon (at least mentioned). It's a comedic place where laws of nature are ignored. Visitors can talk to each other and watch battles. A wonderful place to be; get your free plot of land now. To me, it's an upside down version of the real world and if you aren't unconscious, you are replaced with a messed up NPC.**

**Oh Tesra... you faint too much. Aizen may be a bastard, but he doesn't have a Ph.D in Awesome Thinking for no reason! I hope the mental images have caused you minimal anguish. Mummy is the strongest. Aizen misses his royal bathroom and Motoko is Aizen-trolling Descole. Tessy and Dessy are wonderful nicknames, non? Raymond has danced the Macarena for: Over 50 hours.**

**RIP Sanity.**


End file.
